Ok yeah, so I took a break - I return bearing COOKIES! :)

Somehow life got busy, the CSA ended for the season, and I was forced to go to the grocery store to try and find SOMETHING that bears a resemblance to a tasty vegetable.  Even the organic wasn't the same.  My CSA has an "early bird" that goes from March - May, then we get only a week's break before the June - November one starts, so like Persephone, I have emerged from the Hades of GM seeds and CAFO meats, and come back into the light of organic and IPM...which has nothing to do with my blog post today, because it's all about cookies.  (must be my ADD kicking in)

YEARS ago "BK" (before kids) I lived in NJ in an apartment in Weehawken.  I was literally 2 minutes from the Lincoln Tunnel, which if driven through, will dump you downtown in NYC.  This was an easy escape route for us after the bars closed and a late night meal was warranted.  We'd head into Chinatown and hit up Wo Hop's, a  Chinatown icon.  Cheap food, surly waiters, family style dining (shared tables) downstairs.  Still the best and freshest chinese food I've ever had.  Afterwards we'd walk down Mott Street, where everything stays open to all hours of the night.

Sometimes we'd stop at one of the Chinese bakeries for dessert.  They had a whole bunch of stuff - moon cakes, bean cakes, and a couple of things I would usually alternate - a sort of rice krispie cake, but made with crispy noodles and honey and sesame...and a large golden, crumbly, chewy, melt-in-your-mouth cookie that I simply called a "dot" cookie.

For some reason a hankering for the said "dot" cookie reared its ugly head, so I decided to google a recipe - surely SOMEONE knows how to bake these gems?  Hrm...I did find something close in flavor and texture, but not color.  I guess I'll have to experiment a bit more and post my results *grins* difficult, I know, but someone has to do it.

These are pretty easy to make.  I took a recipe I found and altered it (since when have you known me to *ever* make a recipe exactly the way it's written?)  I used half shortening and half butter, because a) I couldn't stand the thought of all that Crisco going right to my butt which is ever expanding since I hit the big 5-0, and b) I wanted the butter flavor.  This was a wise decision :).  I also used equal parts of cake flour and whole wheat pastry flour, because I wanted the cookies to have that tender, melt in your mouth texture.  If you are wondering about the differences between all these flours (who knew there were so many?) here is a good LINK that will make you a more informed baker.

I don't usually bake.  My mom loves to bake.  To me it's more of a chore than "fun".  I haven't yet learned all the nuances of baking, which is definitely more of an art form than simply cooking a meal.  Perhaps "art" isn't a good descriptive term - "scientific"  might be more appropriate.  If everything is not in the correct proportions, you could have disastrous results.  Feel like leaving out the egg in that cake batter? don't try it.  Want to omit baking powder and use baking soda instead? better not sub it out teaspoon for teaspoon or you may wind up with matzoh instead of sheet cake.  That being said, let me present my version of these yummy cookies...I didn't mess with the dangerous stuff :)

I had enough cake flour to use in this recipe, but I thought the Whole Wheat pastry flour would give an added texture (crumbly, tender) that I was looking for.  I think it did.  Please forgive the lack of pictures, but this recipe really is pretty straightforward.  The hard part is keeping them around.  I had to ration myself to one a day and put the container out of sight in the dining room.

So I give you the recipe, printable as always,  HERE:

Chinese Dot Cookies - Yields about 24
inspired by Vicki's recipe on allrecipes.com
 Ingredients:

3/4 cup Crisco (please do not omit this - needed for texture - I know the thought of putting pure lard in your cookies grosses you out, but sometimes it's a good thing - trust me)

3/4 cup butter, softened

1 1/2 cups white sugar

1 egg

1 tsp. vanilla

1 3/4 cups of cake flour

1 3/4 cups whole wheat pastry flour

1 1/4 tsp baking soda

3/4 tsp salt

1/4 cup ground walnuts

can of fudge frosting (freeze the leftovers)

Directions:

1.  Cream butter and sugar together until light and fluffy.  Don't be afraid to beat it a few minutes.  Add the egg and vanilla, beating again til' well combined and fluffy.

2.  Add the flours, baking soda, salt and stir into creamed mixture.  The dough will be a bit sticky, you can add a bit more flour, but not too much.  Best is to coat your hands, lift the dough out of the bowl, and gently form into a log about 15 inches long.  Put a piece of saran wrap on the counter the length of the log plus a few inches.  Sprinkle the walnuts on the wrap, and roll the log around until coated, then roll up in saran wrap and place in fridge for an hour. (or more if you have stuff to do)

3.  Preheat oven to 350 and lay some parchment paper down on your cookie sheets.

4.  Unwrap the dough, slice about 1/2" thick, place 1 1/2 inches apart on cookie sheet and bake for 10-15 minutes.  They should be slightly golden around the edges and appear dry, not wet.  Allow to cool for a minute or two before removing to cooling rack.

5.  When cool, place a dollop of icing in the center of each cookie.  I didn't melt the icing, but next time I think I will to see if I can get a smoother texture rather than the hand made swirls on mine.  Just be sure to allow them to dry.  Store covered at room temperature.

The original recipe stated serves 12, but these cookies are large, and I got two trays which is closed to 30+ cookies.

The cookies are absolutely yummy.  Crumbly, tender, yet with a chewy bite - hint of butter, not too sweet, and fudgy goodness in the center.  What more could you ask for? :)

Forays into culinary weirdness, Part 4

OK...I was at my local liquor store - North Ridge Liquors the other day picking up some wine.  I love this place, because they have wine that NO one else has.  I found a bottle of Arroyo de la Vega Tempranillo that the waiter at Aida Bistro swore I would have a very hard time finding...hah! PSYCH!  He obviously didn't go to the Boarman bros. :).

I was at the checkout and this Dutch wine caught my eye.  It's called Chocovine.  Sounds like heaven, doesn't it?  especially if you're a woman - Chocolate + wine?  all they need to do is add a guy with a six pack and I don't mean Beer and almost any woman would be in heaven.  My brain was screaming ESCHEW!!!!!, but the guy at the counter (I think it was the Boarman bros dad - I saw a resemblance) was telling me how everybody loved it Mistake #1 - latching onto the phrase "everyone LOVED it".  I told him I prefer my wine unadulterated, as well as my chocolate - that I'm more of a purist.  He persisted "I never had anyone return a bottle yet" until you met me.  He told me red wine and chocolate were MEANT to go together, like peas and carrots, bread and butter. Ummm...really? then why didn't someone think of this earlier? I think a bunch of Dutch chocolatiers and French vintners were sitting around passing the pipe that was filled with a grassy illegal substance here, and were trying to figure out how to make a profit off a bad batch of red wine...

"Yah sure...vy don't ve put chocolahte in der vine yah?"  
"ohhh c'est une bonne idee!!  MAGNIFIQUE!!!!"
"yah, yah...ve call it..."CHOCOVINE!"
"Oui! and we sell it to zee Americains who weell buy anysing if zey are told eet's tres bien pour vous et chic, non?"

Here is the copy of the "pitch" for their product:

Chocolate and wine can be paired in a way that features the best and the most interesting aspect of each flavor profile.  But they are also both incredibly complex and pairing them has always been a daunting process, often leading to dreadful results you can say that again.  The right chocolate paired with the perfect wine can create a near-orgasmic taste experience. Did anyone else chuckle when they read that sentence? But the wrong wine opposite a too-sweet chocolate creates nothing but horror.  I hear you laughing! They use a Cabernet (you could have fooled me). Many have taken the challenge...and have failed. Yes, and you have too, but you are a bit delusional.

After years of research, however "research"...yeah,  right - just another excuse to drink alcohol before noon :-P , the perfect union of wine and chocolate is not only a reality but the outcome is a true match made in heaven!  LOL come on...who wrote this?? With ChocoVine, the two concepts are blended to perfection to create pure bliss. "concept" - something conceived in the mind.  Gee... and here I thought chocolate and wine were a reality.  My bad. I guess that means I can stuff my face with Salazon Chocolate until I am in a state of orgasmic bliss, and my hips will never know the difference, since chocolate is a concept Yay!  Additionally, not only is wine and chocolate a tantalizing blend for its sensational taste, but research shows that they are both rich in antioxidant, making it a healthy combination as well. THERE IT IS - the "good for you" pitch...that should have been a red flag right there - it's just another way a company tries to get you to buy their  product because it contains the fotm as far as "healthy for you" foods go :-P (please reference my "Chocolate tasting" and see "maca")
I know that the above description is a bit long, but it really is an amusing read, I had to share that with you.  Do Europeans really think that Americans are that stupid??

I wound up buying a bottle because I was in an adventurous mood.  Chilled it, popped it open and took a swig.  It's like Bailey's.  Except thicker.  You can't taste any wine (much less Cabernet), and it has that burning sensation you get when you drink brandy, whiskey, etc...I love the Norwegian word for whiskey - "Brennende vin" which literally translated means "burning wine" (I hope I spelled that correctly)  If you like sweet, creamy drinks like Bailey's, you may like this stuff.  I didn't.  My days of drinking cream liqueur are over it may have something to do with that time in Lake Placid with hubby and two Irishmen we befriended at the hotel bar...never buy an Irishman a drink.  EVER. you will so regret it in the morning.  We consumed mass quantities of various beverages - a veritable smorgasbrod of ETOH, and cream liqueurs featured predominately in some of the shots we downed, and it also was featured predominantly on the way back up, if you catch my drift..., and I certainly did not expect a thick creamy concoction from the description on the label.  Since when is cabernet "thick"? What makes this stuff thick??? ugh.  Hubby tried it, didn't like it.  Daughter tried it, didn't like it.  I didn't like it.  Batting .000 here.

I mentioned this madventure to Jason - he's the farmer I drive with on Wednesdays when I work at my local CSA, Breezy Willow Farm.  He told me his mom likes that sort of stuff, so I said I'd bring the bottle on Friday and we'd have a little tasting party.  They popped the bottle open - RJ hadn't tried it when I left, but Jason and Casey did, and both liked it.  They didn't swoon over it, but they liked it.  If I didn't have the Lake Placid bias, I might like it too, no lie.  I think the only way it would taste reaaaallly good, is to put it in a blender with some vanilla ice cream.  We used to make Brandy Alexanders that way, and they were scrumptious.  They both agreed it was a bit strong on its own, but diluted it was a definite maybe.  Since then, RJ has tried it, and has fallen in love with it.  Not to excess mind you, but she finds Chocovine very tasty over ice.

So, get it if you like stuff like White Russians, Bailey's, Godiva,  and any other cream liqueur.  Pass if you're a purist or drank with a couple Irishman after offering to buy them a round to show them good ol' American hospitality.

Continuing my forays into culinary weirdness - I just found a sparkling liqueur called Nuvo.  This may make it to my summer list of things to try...*heads off to Northridge Liquors in search of an elusive bottle*

Grilled Cheese? ummm...yeah, but no :)

I really started feeling a bit guilty with my forays into culinary weirdness - all those recipes with soda in it -ick.  So, I decided to take a short break (Culinary weirdness will be back next week - but the over 21 version) and offer you an utterly decadent twist on the american staple - grilled cheese.

The staple of the American household - a myriad of combinations, possibilities, from the plain old white-bread-American-Cheese to fancy combos like sourdough-chopped olives-fresh-mozzarella-roasted-peppers, or anywhere else your imagination takes you.

My daughter and I went to this new place that opened up in Catonsville - it's called Grilled Cheese & Company and they serve...grilled cheese.  We got the "Veggie Delight", but we also got a "dessert" grilled cheese bet you never thought of grilled cheese as a "dessert" food, did you? Well, they did, and it was awesome.  I decided to replicate the recipe for your gustatory pleasure.

Before I give you the ingredients, please throw out ANY notions you have of "eww...but I don't like Brie" because you will *not* taste it.  It melts at a very low temperature, makes everything nice and gooey along with the other stuff in there.  Ben doesn't like Brie, yet he liked this sandwich of course I didn't TELL him it had Brie in it, because I wanted him to try it.  He thought it was "ok", and "not bad",  but Meg and I loved it.  It's almost like a decadent bread pudding but not as custardy - The bread gives a chewy finish to the raspberry/chocolate combo that is held together by the brie and mascarpone.  All I can do is say try it.   I really doubt anyone will say "EWwww..." I think most people will say "Yummmmmmm!"  Unless of course, you don't like grilled cheese...then I think you're outta luck.

Dessert Grilled Cheese - serves 2-4 (printable recipe is HERE)

4 slices of good quality bread Please do NOT use any kind of Wonder bread crap - splurge on a loaf from the bakery - the kind that has a "bite" to it, i.e. is a bit chewy and dense.
Mascarpone cheese just buy the smallest tub you can find.  It's Italian Cream Cheese, but it has a different, milder flavor than our cream cheese, and it's a bit softer.
6 slices of brie cut thin slices (about 1/4" thick) from a wedge, and trim off the end.  See photos.  You can keep the rind on the top and bottom.
2 TBS of Raspberry jam or any other preserves/jam you'd like to use.  Just no jelly. I used Breezy Willow Farms "Chocolate Razzamatazz" and omg is it heaven.  Pick some up if you're local - if you're not, msg me :-)
3 TBS of semi-sweet chocolate chips
Butter.

1.  Spread a thin layer of mascarpone cheese onto one slice of bread.  Top this with the jam, then sprinkle about 10-12 chocolate chips over this (you don't need a lot - they will melt and spread)

2.  Place 3 wedges of brie on the other slice.  Slap those puppies together, and heat your frying pan to medium.  Notice where I trimmed the rind off the brie? at the fat end...

3.  Now...melt a bit of butter in the pan, enough to cover a slice of bread, and put the sandwich in the pan, moving it around, so it sops up the butter.  Cook til' golden brown.  Put sandwich on the spatula, melt some more butter in the pan, spreading it around so it's breadslicesize, then flip sandwich over onto the melted butter, and again, swirl it around to get it coated.  Cook til' golden brown.

4.  Plate, cut in half, and serve.  Serves 4 if you each have a half, 2 if you eat a whole one by yourself.

*To make it look pretty, you can garnish the plate with fresh berries and a mint sprig, and dust the sandwich with some confectioner's sugar...if you can wait that long to eat it.*

Finally, something Tina likes! :-D

Meg and Tina

Tina loves sweets.  That girl can sock them away, yet still maintains her girlish figger.  I dunno how she does it - Of course, being 21 helps...A LOT.  In my own, sneaky, mom-ish way although I am not her mom, I'm still a mom to her best friend, so I sort of consider myself one of her "moms" but not the real mom.  There really should be a name for us - moms that saw their daughter's best friend grow up, get married, and become an adult, who cares for them, and loves them, not as much as their daughter mind you, but still with that "momish" sorta love you reserve for only a chosen few.  There are a couple more of Meg's friends I love that way, but I don't wanna play favorites, so I'll keep my mouth shut - I think she knows who :).  I try to get Tina to eat healthier by posting some recipes that look and taste yummy, that are super easy to make.  However, everyone needs something sweet once in a while.

I found this recipe on the Food Network courtesy of Ms Paula Deen - you know, that southern charmer from GA who makes all those wonderfully, sinfully, fattening, bad-for-you-but-oh-so-good desserts.  She shouldn't have a cooking show, she should have a baking show.  That woman is a wonder.  So, this recipe is based on hers, I give her mayjah props - Family declared three thumbs up and they each have only two, and hubby could not have said it better when he muttered "This cake is TOO good" as he cut another slice.
It's chock full of pecans, coconut, chocolate chips, and is more like a blondie.  The coconut really brings out the chewiness in this cake, and my son who assiduously picks every nut he can find out of every piece of cake/brownie he eats scarfed it down without a crumb remaining, since the pecans sort of just blend in.  And please don't say "PEE-cans".  That's something guys use on a long trip.  It's "peh-KAHNs."

Utterly Decadent Blondies (with major props to Miss Paula)
Printable recipe HERE

serves about 12, depending on how many pieces everyone takes :)

2 cups of granulated sugar
3 tbs. molasses
1 stick butter, softened
2 tsp vanilla extract
3 eggs
2 cups flour
3 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
1 cup sweetened flaked coconut
2 cups pecans, chopped
12 oz. package of semi-sweet chocolate mini chips

Directions:

1.  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease a 13 by 9-inch baking pan, or spray with nonstick cooking spray.

2.  In a large bowl, cream the molasses, sugar, eggs, vanilla and butter until light and well combined. Ms. Deen used brown sugar, but I love the subtle flavor that molasses gives.  Don't be afraid to buy a bottle.  It stays good for EVER. 

3.  You can now put the mixer away, and add the flour, baking powder, and salt. Mix well.  Batter will be very thick, almost cookie like, but not quite.

4.  Fold in coconut, pecans, and chocolate chips until well combined.  Did I mention the batter will be thick? I think I did. 

5.  Spread the batter evenly in the prepared pan and bake for 30 to 35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted through the middle comes out clean. 

Don't overcook this, or you'll have tough blondies.  Better to err on the side of slightly gooey than totally overdone.  

6.  Remove from oven, and while the cake is still hot, sprinkle the remainder of the chocolate chips on top, and when they melt, swirl lightly to either cover the cake, or make a pattern.  Cool the cake completely in the pan before cutting it into squares.

 If you are a super chocoholic, you can spread a can of chocolate frosting over the top while still warm, and throw ALL the chips INTO the batter.  That would be really, really, reeeeealllly chocolately bordering on one of the seven deadly sins - gluttony.  If you want to go over the edge and plunge right in, use Grandma T's Chocolate Icing recipe I blogged about earlier.

The other way to serve this that is absolutely sublime is with a scoop of Sweet Cream ice cream and a drizzle of caramel sauce.  Girrrllll....your hips will be screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" but your taste buds will slap them silly and put them in their place.  It's so good it'll make you slap yo' granma away from the table.  Fer real.

The Great Chocolate Tasting Frenzy! II (Chocolate part 4)

Here are the last four bars we tested...I must say, we had a LOT of fun doing this.  I suggest getting together with your friends (especially if you're of the female persuasion) and have a "chocolate tasting" night - Get some really weird flavors, but throw some yummy bars in there too, and have a blast.  I know we did - Giving hubby a piece of that curry chocolate was priceless.  Almost as good as the time he accidently drank out of a bottle of water that Ben had brushed his teeth with and spit the rinse water back into the bottle while we were enroute driving to TX.  I tried to warn him, but he didn't listen.  So gentlemen...when your wife talks to you, you better damn well listen with at LEAST half an ear cocked, lest you drink some spit water too.

Newman's Espresso Chocolate - Gotta give it to Paul – even though he's gone, his company does keep it real. I buy his salsa *all* the time, as well as his salad dressing. Upon opening the bar, we got a strong coffee smell. This was actually a good bar– It was like a dark chocolate mocha and there was a nice balance between the coffee and the chocolate and a smooth texture. Nice for coffee aficionados (hear that Seattle?)  Both my kids liked it, I did too.

MacaSure Chocolat - "Indulge your senses and reward yourself—without compromising your commitment to your body. MacaSure Chocolat is permission to succumb to your chocolate craving, apology-free."

What it should have read: "This bar will indulge the sense of any person with Pica.  The earthy taste of dirt and the gritty texture will have you think you are chowing down on the finest clay east of the Rockies!"

It smelled like chocolate.  It tasted like dirt.  I was able to keep it in my mouth and finish a piece, and there is a fruity aftertaste if you can stand tasting dirt while chewing and swallowing.  All of us agreed on the "dirt" taste.  There is a pasty, slightly gritty texture to the chocolate. Supposedly maca roots have lots of sugar, and are tangy and sweet - they smell similar to butterscotch, and can be kept dried for years. They grow at high altitudes in the Andes.  Somehow that was lost in the manufacture of this chocolate, unless they used the leaves, which are called "pepper grass".


Here is the funny part - Seems like there is 4000 mg of maca in each bar.  What is maca you say?  Remember me ranting about these vague ingredients that are supposed to be good for you, but no one is quite sure why, but everyone jumps on the bandwagon expecting miraculous cures, and getting none? You know what I'm talking about - acai berries, pomegranate, goji berries have all shared the spotlight.  Geeze, d'ya think that maybe the reason all these islanders/natives are so healthy and live so long is because they eat healthy unprocessed food, get regular exercise, and have no stressors other than wondering where the next wart hog dinner will be coming from?" .....(pause)............NAH, couldn't be!

Maca is also know as "peruvian ginseng" although it's not in the ginseng family.  Here's the part that made me laugh.  Apparently (according to "folklore" - such a nice generic source) Inca warriors would take maca before going into battle - it made them strong and fierce.  The problem is...it also made them incredibly horny, and they actually banned the warriors from taking maca after battles to protect the conquered women from their overactive libidos.  I did LOL at this one - I still do...How did they find this out?  How "old" is the folklore? a few months? did it come from some ad agency?  And who decided the warriors were too horny?  And since when did either conquered people or women back then have ANY rights whatsoever?  Who cares about their rights?  Don't tell me the Incas were sitting around the campfire after a battle one evening, and a particularly sensitive Inca warrior in touch with his feminine side volunteered -  "Ya know...maybe we better cut that Maca out after battle...those poor women in the town we conquered will be walking bow-legged for a month".   Ok..you get my sarcasm. Incas had no written language.  Everything was passed down orally.  It was a rather austere society that believed in function over form, so I am very curious how the maca manufacturers managed to get this tidbit of information.  Just sayin...

I decided to research maca a bit, and found an article HERE about the ancient crops of the Incas.  It has an .edu suffix, I am guessing it ain't Wikipedia.  Judging from all the maca websites springing up, I think Viagra and Cialis better turn tail and run, because they are in for some stiff competition (pardon my pun...I couldn't resist - must be the maca)

Theo Ginger-Rose Chocolate - There is no write up on this - It was a seasonal flavor for Valentine's day (Thank God!).  I see a lot of Washingtonians wax poetic about Theo’s Chocolates, and it looks like they have a loyal following. Perhaps it’s a West Coast thing, but I don’t see it. The minute I opened up the wrapper, we were assailed by a strong smell of roses. Could not smell any ginger. This was another one that was unanaimously spit out. It tastes like you’re eating lotion. Seriously. Both my kids ate handfuls of blueberries and I drank down a glass of water trying to get rid of the soapy aftertaste. I can’t believe someone actually wrote “OMIGAWD! GINGER ROSE CHOCOLATE is OUTSTANDING!” on Theo's FB site. I guess if you like getting your mouth washed out with soap. It has a pretty package.

Salazon Dark Chocolate with Sea Salt - You know I had to save the best for last, didn't you? “Our original bar with our dark chocolate and our signature touch of sprinkled sea salt. Destined to be a classic”

I wouldn't change a thing they wrote.  It's all true. I already waxed poetic about Salazon a couple days ago, but I'll add a couple more comments.  Sweet, chocolately, a perfect balance with no bitter aftertaste (and it’s between 51-69% cocoa). The hint of salt brings out the sweetness of the chocolate. My daughter doesn’t like dark chocolate, and she loved this bar (bwahaha – I knew Salazon could convert her!) She liked the hint of salt. Hands down our favorite. 

Now, all chocolated out.  I think I'm going to make this an annual event.  Lots of fun, family,  laughter, and eating chocolate.  What more could you want? :-)

Chocolate - part one

I tried to think of a catchy phrase ("Imelda Marcos you're in my whey" was a fleeting moment of genius) but I couldn't think of one...and when you come to think about it, chocolate is very simple.  It's sweet, it tastes good, and it usually only has two main ingredients - cocoa and sugar.  People try to make it complex by adding all sorts of weird stuff to it.

I discovered chocolate waaaaaay before doctors were saying "Ya know, this stuff can be good for you - in moderation".  I loved chocolate as a kid - my mom would give me some coin to spend Sunday after church (I won't tell you how much, cos that would really really date me) and I would get either two small bars, or one large one.  The large one was always a Mounds bar.  Chewy flakes of coconut smothered in a thick layer of sweet, dark chocolate.  I guess that's where my love of dark chocolate was born.  When my grandmother would send me a box of Russell Stover candies for Easter, I would eschew the milk chocolate (except for the coconut crispies) and eat only the dark.  Weird kid, I know.

Somewhere on the journey, I lost my fascination with chocolate.  Why? I dunno.  Maybe it had to do with my stomach problems (not interesting or life threatening, more of an occasional annoyance but one of the reasons I switched to unprocessed, fresh food and why I assiduously avoid green peppers and OJ and overindulgence in milk chocolate), or maybe I just grew up (perish the thought! me? grow up?!), or maybe I had kids, and I wanted them to be healthy, so I got rid of "junk" food.

The dark chocolate fixation never really went away though.  Every so often I would nibble a piece here and there, just to remind myself of what I was missing.  When dark chocolate became the fotm ("Flavor Of the Month" for those uninitiated into internet jargon) I was ecstatic.  I decided to try all variations - I mean...if they made them they had to be good, right?  Ummm....WRONG.  Srsly.

Some of the weirder combos I've tried: 

-Dark chocolate with Bacon.  Yes.  Bacon.  At first glance I thought "EWWWWW", but then I thought - I love bacon, I love dark chocolate.  Bacon is salty, might be good.  It wasn't.  It tasted like chocolate-flavored bacon which is pretty disgusting if you think about putting THAT next to your scrambled eggs in the morning. 

-Dark Chocolate with french bread.  Yup, some Frenchman that had too much wine probably slipped on the wet cobblestones after a night of discussing politics in the local cafe, and the french bread he was carrying fell onto the street, along with the melted bar of chocolate he had been carrying in his pocket all night (melted because the arguments got heated - those French can be quite passionate n'est-ce pas?) I know it sounds crazy, but suspend your disbelief and play along with me...So, he gets up, and being hungry after all that wine, examines his precious baguette and notices the melted chocolate on it.  Nonplussed, he takes a bite and breaks out into a drunken lopsided grin..."Magnifique!!!!!"  Umm...Jacques, sorry to burst your bulle (bubble), but no, stale french bread crumbs in dark chocolate does NOT taste that good.  Really, what were you thinking?

I've seen Dark Chocolate with Lavender but I don't have the guts nor the inclination to plop down $3 to try a bar.  Why? Because I think air freshener scents and chocolate need to remain separate.  Just sayin'.

I've also seen Dark Chocolate with Chili.  I think this could be a possibility - but if I want dark chocolate and chile together, I'll just make some Mole Sauce.  If you've never had homemade Mole, you are missing out - I haven't found a restaurant yet that can make a decent one.  But that's another blog post :)

Since Dark Chocolate is the fotm atm, companies are going to great lengths to tout their products - I had to laugh over reading The Nibble's reviews - was anyone a Seinfeld fan? I think Elaine wrote these descriptions - here's a quote:

the chocolate is strong and stout yet sweet enough to counter the fiery ginger, making the bar as a whole very feisty.

Ooook.  Thanks Nibbles.  Now I have an image in my head of a Green & Black's chocolate bar running around shaking their little cartoon fists at someone.  Feisty.

Vosges (the weird people that give you the Bacon and Chocolate bar) also have one called "Enchanted Mushroom" and for all you hippies out there, no, it is NOT what it sounds like...It's "infused" with reishi mushroom powder, which is one of those "supposed to be good for you" things that no one can explain why it's good for you, but the Japanese have been using it for years, so it must be good (honestly, I think those "health food" fotms are only good for the supplier's wallets - just my opinion)

Dagoba Chocolates also have some unique explanations for their odd pairings.  Perhaps they think if they make it sound exotic/romantic/exciting enough, ppl will plunk down cash for not so great chocolate? (I did - for that Bacon/Choc monstrosity that NO ONE liked - I gave it to five different people - all of them love chocolate, all of them went "EW")   They make one with "Chai essence" and I quote:

Chai tea spices, crystallized ginger and milk chocolate create an enlightened east-west infusion. Enliven your body, mind and soul.

Oooh...who doesn't want to "enliven their soul"?  Wow...let me go out right now and buy one so I too, can become enlightened and enlivened.  Maybe I'll give Buddha a run for his money.

Hmm...this blog turned into a bit of a rant...now, here's the good part.  Salazon Chocolate Company.  "Salazon" means "salted" in Spanish, so they are the "Salted Chocolate Company", and they sell salted chocolate.  OMG Salazon, muchisimas gracias for keepin' it real. Simple chocolate, simply good, organic ingredients, no weird combos with mushrooms and bacon (sounds more like a quiche)  The best chocolate.  Ever.  Reasonably priced.  Delicious.  Unpretentious.

Simple, real descriptions :  "Our original bar with our dark chocolate and our signature touch of sprinkled sea salt."  Nothing like "Explore your passions and taste the exotic - take a walk on the dark side with our chocolate sprinkled with zesty sea salt - spice up your life tonight!"  Ew.  That is SO not Salazon.
"Roam the world.  Eat salted chocolate" now THAT is Salazon :-).   Experience life, live each day to the fullest, and eat chocolate.  What better philosophy to live by?  All you really need to throw in there is "Love each other". 

Salazon has three types of chocolate (all dark):  One with sea salt, one with cracked black pepper, one with turbinado sugar (raw sugar) and sea salt.  All are equally scrumptious.  I have a small piece a day, and tell myself "it's good for you".   The sea salt brings out the chocolately sweetness; the turbinado sugar/salt combo adds more sweetness to those that crave it; the cracked black pepper brings a whole 'nother dimension to the chocolate - the best way I can describe it, is it brings out the "darker" side of the chocolate - the intense cocoa flavor that usually shares the spotlight with the sugar.

I don't work for Salazon.  I didn't even get a free candy bar.  But I do believe in getting good, honest independent companies out there that use fresh ingredients and make a DELICIOUS product.  Hence my romance with Trader Joes, Coffee Fool,  and Salazon.  If you don't have a Whole Foods near you, never fear, you can order Salazon Chocolate online.  Try it just once.  You will probably be cursing me after you do, because you'll be hopelessly hooked (I sent you a couple bars Tina!)

I love a simple, honest product.  Don't go putting weird stuff in chocolate like bacon, or lavender, or chai, or stale bread crumbs.  Put something in it that will enhance the flavor of the chocolate.  After all, isn't that why you bought the bar in the first place?