Friday, August 6, 2010

Forays into culinary weirdness, Part 4

OK...I was at my local liquor store - North Ridge Liquors the other day picking up some wine.  I love this place, because they have wine that NO one else has.  I found a bottle of Arroyo de la Vega Tempranillo that the waiter at Aida Bistro swore I would have a very hard time finding...hah! PSYCH!  He obviously didn't go to the Boarman bros. :).

I was at the checkout and this Dutch wine caught my eye.  It's called Chocovine.  Sounds like heaven, doesn't it?  especially if you're a woman - Chocolate + wine?  all they need to do is add a guy with a six pack and I don't mean Beer and almost any woman would be in heaven.  My brain was screaming ESCHEW!!!!!, but the guy at the counter (I think it was the Boarman bros dad - I saw a resemblance) was telling me how everybody loved it Mistake #1 - latching onto the phrase "everyone LOVED it".  I told him I prefer my wine unadulterated, as well as my chocolate - that I'm more of a purist.  He persisted "I never had anyone return a bottle yet" until you met me.  He told me red wine and chocolate were MEANT to go together, like peas and carrots, bread and butter. Ummm...really? then why didn't someone think of this earlier? I think a bunch of Dutch chocolatiers and French vintners were sitting around passing the pipe that was filled with a grassy illegal substance here, and were trying to figure out how to make a profit off a bad batch of red wine...

"Yah sure...vy don't ve put chocolahte in der vine yah?"  
"ohhh c'est une bonne idee!!  MAGNIFIQUE!!!!"
"yah, call it..."CHOCOVINE!"
"Oui! and we sell it to zee Americains who weell buy anysing if zey are told eet's tres bien pour vous et chic, non?"

Here is the copy of the "pitch" for their product:

Chocolate and wine can be paired in a way that features the best and the most interesting aspect of each flavor profile.  But they are also both incredibly complex and pairing them has always been a daunting process, often leading to dreadful results you can say that again.  The right chocolate paired with the perfect wine can create a near-orgasmic taste experience. Did anyone else chuckle when they read that sentence? But the wrong wine opposite a too-sweet chocolate creates nothing but horror.  I hear you laughing! They use a Cabernet (you could have fooled me). Many have taken the challenge...and have failed. Yes, and you have too, but you are a bit delusional.

After years of research, however "research"...yeah,  right - just another excuse to drink alcohol before noon :-P , the perfect union of wine and chocolate is not only a reality but the outcome is a true match made in heaven!  LOL come on...who wrote this?? With ChocoVine, the two concepts are blended to perfection to create pure bliss. "concept" - something conceived in the mind.  Gee... and here I thought chocolate and wine were a reality.  My bad. I guess that means I can stuff my face with Salazon Chocolate until I am in a state of orgasmic bliss, and my hips will never know the difference, since chocolate is a concept Yay!  Additionally, not only is wine and chocolate a tantalizing blend for its sensational taste, but research shows that they are both rich in antioxidant, making it a healthy combination as well. THERE IT IS - the "good for you" pitch...that should have been a red flag right there - it's just another way a company tries to get you to buy their  product because it contains the fotm as far as "healthy for you" foods go :-P (please reference my "Chocolate tasting" and see "maca")
I know that the above description is a bit long, but it really is an amusing read, I had to share that with you.  Do Europeans really think that Americans are that stupid??

I wound up buying a bottle because I was in an adventurous mood.  Chilled it, popped it open and took a swig.  It's like Bailey's.  Except thicker.  You can't taste any wine (much less Cabernet), and it has that burning sensation you get when you drink brandy, whiskey, etc...I love the Norwegian word for whiskey - "Brennende vin" which literally translated means "burning wine" (I hope I spelled that correctly)  If you like sweet, creamy drinks like Bailey's, you may like this stuff.  I didn't.  My days of drinking cream liqueur are over it may have something to do with that time in Lake Placid with hubby and two Irishmen we befriended at the hotel bar...never buy an Irishman a drink.  EVER. you will so regret it in the morning.  We consumed mass quantities of various beverages - a veritable smorgasbrod of ETOH, and cream liqueurs featured predominately in some of the shots we downed, and it also was featured predominantly on the way back up, if you catch my drift..., and I certainly did not expect a thick creamy concoction from the description on the label.  Since when is cabernet "thick"? What makes this stuff thick??? ugh.  Hubby tried it, didn't like it.  Daughter tried it, didn't like it.  I didn't like it.  Batting .000 here.

I mentioned this madventure to Jason - he's the farmer I drive with on Wednesdays when I work at my local CSA, Breezy Willow Farm.  He told me his mom likes that sort of stuff, so I said I'd bring the bottle on Friday and we'd have a little tasting party.  They popped the bottle open - RJ hadn't tried it when I left, but Jason and Casey did, and both liked it.  They didn't swoon over it, but they liked it.  If I didn't have the Lake Placid bias, I might like it too, no lie.  I think the only way it would taste reaaaallly good, is to put it in a blender with some vanilla ice cream.  We used to make Brandy Alexanders that way, and they were scrumptious.  They both agreed it was a bit strong on its own, but diluted it was a definite maybe.  Since then, RJ has tried it, and has fallen in love with it.  Not to excess mind you, but she finds Chocovine very tasty over ice.

So, get it if you like stuff like White Russians, Bailey's, Godiva,  and any other cream liqueur.  Pass if you're a purist or drank with a couple Irishman after offering to buy them a round to show them good ol' American hospitality.

Continuing my forays into culinary weirdness - I just found a sparkling liqueur called Nuvo.  This may make it to my summer list of things to try...*heads off to Northridge Liquors in search of an elusive bottle*


  1. OMG - Chris. What are the chances?.... Last night my husband happened to remember to tell me that one of our neighbors stopped by our house the other day to drop off a bottle of "chocolate wine" (to which I asked "chocolate wine? really?"). Then this morning I saw the Breezy Willow email that referenced your watermelon salsa recipe, which reminded me I hadn't checked your blog in a while and I also that I wanted to send the link to some friends. Anyway, what a whammy when I saw your entry about none other than chocolate wine. Creepy..... very, very, very creepy. What are the chances? And the neighbor who dropped off the chocolate wine was dropping it off as a thank you for a favor my husband did months ago. What are the chances of this timing? Strange, strange, strange. Loved your entry. We haven't opened the wine yet. I'll let you know what I think when we do.... See you Wednesday. Jill

  2. Wow Jill, all of a sudden I hear Twilight Zone music all around me LOL. That is SO weird...

  3. oooh.....that's what you should send me for my next birthday :P
    ps: i loved that 'concept' bit you wrote. hahaha you crack me up.

  4. I SAW this chocolate stuff at heb two days ago. but it was 10 dollars. ha. i'm so cheap. i'm gonna go back and get robby to buy it for me though :)